The Birth of a Douche

Why douche of the day?

Why not.

This is a blog about people who piss me off and get onto my douche of day list.

Just to let you know, no one is sacred and as this post will show I am not even immune to being nominated as douche of the day.

So why am I douche of the day.

Has anyone been to a sperm bank before?

I can here the crowd go wild, yes off course you douche everyone goes to them. That’s how we roll.

Ok fine my bad.

But it was the first time for me.  I decided to get a test on my baby makers, one to see if I actually do have any makers and two to see if my choice of being a shorts wearer as apposed to a brief’s actually paid off. I want to know that when in years to come when I look down at my extremely low swinging sack that I was correct not to have provided support.

Anyway I arrived at the sperm bank and first of all because I was getting test, the first thing they said when they handed me my papper work was that will be $140.

Hey wait, but I am giving you stuff, why should I pay?

Was the first question I thought of. The second was why has this papperwork got four sticky labels on it. Holy crap am I meant to go 4 times, or worse am I meant to fill four containers.

Anyway luckily my better half was there to keep reminder of the task at hand so to speak.

Then they gave me the ticket and told me to go to room 1 and after I finish just ring the buzzer on the sliding window and a scientistt will colect my sample. Man I immediately thought of my days at confession with a priest sitting behind the door listening to me do my biz then I would have to knock on the window to give him my sample bottle of sins.

Say 20 hale mary’s and all will be forgiven. Actually make that 10 becuase you wear boxers.

No luckily this was not to be the case the scientist were clearly sectioned of in the big brain area, and as all good scientist’s should be kept in there own secure room unable to talk with the outside world. Ah good all is right with the world.

Now lets head into the room. Still quite hospital in colour, I think that colour is flourescent white they use for the walls but they had a nice leather chair and large screen TV with numerous magazines to read. Magazines, nice old skool, with the internet and my own extensive collection I haven’t had to use the old skool method for quite some time. My wife was quite taken with them. Oh and the was a fridge with beer and softdrinks, man it was totally like a hotel, I haven’t been to Japan but I imagine that this is the size of a nice room in Tokyo. So the missus had a beer and I got to the big screen, you know how it is men and gadgets I needed to show how much I know about the world by finding the power button on the remote control. I was pleasantly suprised by there selection especially after the instructions on the wall stated we supply a variety of medium level erotica. When the first DVD menu came up with

1. r rated erotica

2. gay porn

3. fetish

4. hardcore

It was lunch time so fetish was out and Hardcore was in. I don’t even have to mention why I didn’t choose erotica do I , if you have the opportunity to see two boobs instead of one the male will always choose the two option, its genetic, it is it really is.

Anyway I started it up, fast forwarded through the blowjob action, boring and then into the good stuff. What I didn’t realise is that my better half had gone to some effort for me, which let me just say I didn’t need the porn. Wow.

Anyway the business was done and I came into a glass jar. It looks so much more when you come on your lady’s back then seeing it in the bottom of a jar. Oh the jar they did say If I needed a bigger jar then call the staff. We were both perplexed by this, bigger jar, is there aim bad, or is there penis massive or is someone going to overflow the jar.

So when I buzzed my scientist to collect my sample I had to ask. What is a normal sample size, 2 – 3 ml depending on a lot of factors.

So that’s why I am douche of the day.

Asking about my sample size, man why are we so competative?

I am still picturing someone overflowing there jar and thinking why oh why didn’t I get the bigger Jar.