I lost my wisdom and $450

I felt a bit like Tom hanks today in ‘Joe versus the Volcano’ but there was no volcano unless of course you think like I do and my bursting wisdom tooth was the volcano in question. It erupted early Sunday morning. No reported fatalities unless of course you consider my innocence lost and it also interrupted my wet dream with Meg Ryan and the hot Meg Ryan to, the one before she met Harry and he set her to work as a crack whore to support his film making business. Wait a second, I think I have combined the movie ‘When Harry met Sally’ and ‘Mad about You’ oh and Meg, Helen Hunt could never hold a candle to you even after the whole crack whore thing. I only ever dream of killing Helen Hunt my therapist says that’s totally normal though everyone wants to kill Helen.

So I go to the dentist with my aching mouth, I knew straight away that this story was not going to have a happy ending because as I am waiting to see the dentist a patient that has just had an extraction (an extraction for you folk who don’t speak dentist is the removal of a tooth whether it needs it or not) is passing out, he has turned white and the dentist has been called for to make sure he isn’t going to die. I am not being dramatic people he seriously looked like he was going to top it, he was whiter then a new born goth at a vampire convention. How can I be sure he wasn’t a goth well we all know that goths don’t come out during the day. I don’t know about you but seeing someone passout before you go into the dentist is not exactly a calming.

Two minutes in the chair and two x-rays later and I was given the option of having the wisdom tooth removed now or later. Geez now or later not really the options I was after I was more hoping for take this course of antibiotics and you will be fine. But that peops was not an option. So not wanting to make this a regular date I decided to have it removed right here right now. I was hoping for more of a confirmation of my decision being the correct one instead I got a price list of what was going to happen to me read pretty much like a waiter reads a menu, 3 x-rays $45 each 1 x extraction $500 and finnally 1 x arse fucking totally free oh wait not free.

So the reason my suspicions were raised about my so called dentist and his abilities was as he was digging around in my mouth and chunks of my mouth gunk was flying through the air towards his face I realized he wasn’t wearing any eye protection, man I wear eye protection to lick stamps for the post and this dude is going freeballing man he’s stealing my gunk.

Oh and for your info mr dentist man your tools may have fancy names but they looked and felt like normal hammer and chisels especially the way you were wielding them. I was thinking it would have been cool if the dental nurse actual had a tool belt and maybe a sweet plumbers crack. The only reason these guys are a step up from the trades man is that he was totally on time, wait no that was me.

My main problem with these guys is the whole Doctor thing, they are called Doctors and we all know that unless you have a reality TV show about you then and only then may you be called a Doctor, there is Vet reality shows and Doctor reality shows but never Dentist reality shows.

The only thing that pleased me on leaving the dentist with my pockets lighter and my mouth swollen was that he was a prime candidate for suicide. Man wait, it just occurred to me I have heard that statistic all my life, Dentist have high suicide rates, this is probably a Dentist conspiracy to elicit some sort of compassion from the toothless, I don’t know any dentist who ever committed suicide. How dare you pray on my compassion and kindness.

Douche bags.

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